I want to tackle the popular notion that what an abuser says is always wrong. To me the world sadly is not that black and white. You see I am autistic. I AM more sensitive than other and I DO have needs that are unusual and require extra effort. It is an overdramatisation to say I’m complicated because of this as my mother likes to do because if asked I will tell you what I eat and what I don’t eat, I will work on finding a compromise to have you keep your blasted radio running and so forth. I’m well aware I’m unusual and need to find compromises. The abuse comes in if the compromise is that I have to adhere to the needs of someone(s) because they are the majority. This is where autism . It is wrong and abusive and I do not accept people like this as part of my social circles if I can help it. Trouble is I can’t always help it. We are social creatures, we are required to interact with each other and not everyone treats me decently. This is why . The likelihood of meeting someone close minded is very high. People like me are a litmus test to see how social people are. They are putting their vanities above our core needs. Often they misclassify our needs as vanities as well and thus not more important than their needs. I’d say at least every 10th person abuses me that way. I am well aware most of them are not malignant. They assume I’m neurotypical, like people generally do. It’s rather hard to blame them for not seeing something that is invisible. I think many would relent if I was able to inform them about what is going on in a mature and polite manner. But my family had that beaten out of me through psychological means. Retraining my brain to stand up for myself will take a LONG time. This is another lovely example of disability induced abuse: they claim you will fit in better that way and may genuinely think they are helping you by teaching you to deny who you are and punishing you for expression of self. For otherwise healthy people they may not encounter this kind of discrimination later in life unless they meet truly malignant people. For some like me it’s again a sizeable number of people claiming I behave asocially by for example not dressing according to current tastes. (I do not expose parts of my body that should stay private or wear symbols of extreme religious or political content or anything like that. I just don’t dress fashionable.) I have medical reports mentioning how I need my teddy during examination with a clear attempt to make this sound as if I’m nutcase as opposed to just having a severely intensified experience of pain and thus looking to feel safe. This type of abuse is probably the most horrifying. You are vulnerable and seek help and your “therapists” tell you how broken and defective you are. How you have no empathy and only dysfunctional relationships and so forth. In case of autism much of this is projection. My relationships may be unusual (I’m drawn to people several decades older than I am as friends) but that does not make them dysfunctional. I also have much more empathy than most but I am unable to read social signals thus I don’t show it appropriately. By norming us and us we face another reason to be depressed about. Or don’t you think sounds much better than ? Keep in mind this is done by professionals who “help” the mentally ill. So here we are, hard to understand, unusually needy and having unusual or even high expectation, sometimes hard to be around. Something common to many disabilities and mental health issues I’d say. And then there is the crown discipline of guilt tripping me and so many fellow people on the spectrum: we are saying hurtful things all the time. Its like blind people hitting other peoples legs with their walking stick. It happens. You can’t do much about it. Regardless how many social rules you learn (the equivalent of moving the stick slowly) you WILL get it wrong often enough. There is all this discrimination going on and at the end of the day we can not distance ourselves from all of this. This is not your narcissistic parent/partner you can just block. If you go no contact with all of your abusers you will only not starve if you find a delivery service that does not require personal interaction and a way to pay the bills with no social contact whatsoever. And even if you manage all this you are very alone. No surrogate family coming out of the woodworks to replace your abusive one. So obviously this kind of paranoia is not the solution. And as there will always be discrimination no amount of societal change will fundamentally change the problem. It hopefully shifts more and more. We now thankfully are becoming more accepting of foreigners, homosexuals, southpaws and so forth. A fight worth fighting and I’m rooting for every single cause other than accepting incest and abuse. Anyhow I’m sidetracking: even if we win all these fights one by one the war will not be won. It’s hard wired into us to be afraid of the other. So the task for the discriminated and abused is a very tall order: we need to build our confidence and self esteem in the face of ongoing abuse, we need to rise above all this and learn to be calm and assertive. This is where you have me wondering if this is possible on a large scale.